This is a new series where I’ll be uploading email exchanges with my landlord. Read the first here.
Subject: Oh God, Everything is Broken
Date: 6/24 8:58am
From: Kate Danger Tully
The power is out in the house.
At first, I thought my fan was broken because it stopped spinning. I’m not gonna lie – part of me assumed it was mice who had chewed the cord in an attempt to seek retribution for their fallen brother. As I was contemplating how I would bribe Olivia to carry up a heavier a/c to my room, I realized I had meandered down to the bathroom, where the lights were not working.
Using my razor-sharp skills of deduction, I surmised the power was out. I tested many electronics and not a single one worked. I figured I would go downstairs and flip some snazzy breakers like you taught me, but decided to get dressed first.
Using only the sunlight and an ungodly number of bobby pins, I managed to somehow wrangle my hair into an acceptable form. My makeup is a different story. To be honest I’m not quite sure how it turned out – in low light, it’s fetching. But in proper lighting, I’m sure I would fit in well at a clown colony.
I wrangled my keys, my flashlight and a can-do attitude to make my way downstairs. My mission to the basement was two-fold: check if the power was out all over and wildly flip switches in the box.
Long story short, the power is out in the basement as well. I tried to venture over to the switches, but I let my imagination go wild and somehow – between the basement door and entrance to the second room – convinced myself there was a gaggle of carnies waiting for me near the box. (Though I’m sure with my hair and makeup, they’d skip murdering me and go straight to accepting me as one of their own.)
I briefly contemplated knocking on your door to warn you of the impending darkness, but feared that you or Terez would mistake me for a feral former beauty pageant contestant who had been living off nothing but rats and leaves for the past few years. I opted to go to work instead.
TL; DR: The power is out in our half and the basement (probably your half too).
Subject: RE: Oh God, Everything is Broken
Date: 6/24 9:02am
From: Kate Danger Tully
It’s me again, still en route to work (as an editor, not a test mannequin for a poorly funded beauty school).
I just got a call from Eversource and they’re aware the power is out.
Subject: RE: Re: Oh God, Everything is Broken
Date: 6/24 9:03 am
Yeah. The street is out. I’m impressed with your debug work.
Thanks for letting me know.
If you enjoy reading humorous email exchanges, I highly recommend visiting David Thorne’s site. He’s one of my humor-writing inspirations.