Emails to My Landlord: Mouse 2.0

Olivia and I have a second mouse in our house and we’re not handling it well.

Subject: Death trap inoperable

Date: 8/2/2015 10:09 p.m.

From: Kate Tully

Hey Lawren,

In case you’re keeping count, it’s been about 48 hours since we set up the electric death traps to catch Marty 2.0 (see how I’ve avoided naming him, because I don’t want to grow attached again?).

Trap one, set up next to our food supply – including the bags of flour and coconut the bastard chomped through – is seemingly inoperable. I call it inoperable for two reasons: 1) it’s not working, despite the fact that I switched its batteries; and 2) it hasn’t caught the mouse yet, but mainly just reason 1 is why I emailed.

In the morning, I’ll leave it on the table outside so you can fiddle with it if you’d like.

Also, just in case you’re wondering if this mouse is as clever as Marty, the answer is yes. When I went to check the trap this evening, I saw it was surrounded by mouse poop. To be honest, I can’t blame him. If I entered a room and licked Nutella from the walls, then discovered it was all an elaborate ruse to electrocute me, I think I’d shit outside of it too.


Subject: Re: Death trap inoperable

Date: 8/3/2015 11:16 a.m.

From: Lawren

I tested it and it works fine. Please set it back up.

Subject: Move-out date

Date: 8/13/2015 4:22 p.m.

From: Kate Tully

Hey Lawren!

I hope you’re living it up in Thailand. I wanted to check-in with you regarding our move-out date. Would it be OK if Olivia and I clear out the morning of the 2nd? We couldn’t get movers to come until then, but I know it’s a day after we are supposed to leave, as per our lease. Is that all right with you?


PS – We have yet to catch mouse 2.0, but we’ve seen the bastard running around frequently. In fact, yesterday, I found mouse poop on my bed, which means the war is now personal. Our efforts to ensnare him have increased twofold, and I’ve even enlisted Olivia’s boyfriend (much to his chagrin) to remove the corpse when we catch him. I’ll keep you updated.

Subject: Re: Move-out date

Date: 8/13/2015 8:07 p.m.

From: Lawren

The second is fine.

Crap. Sorry about the mouse. You could get sticky traps and or snap traps to catch the mouse. They might be more effective. Just buy them and I’ll pay you back for them.

Subject: Re: RE: Move-out date

Date: 8/16/2015 3:09 p.m.

From: Kate Tully

We both know I do not have the heart or stomach to set up a sticky-mouse trap. One of my coworkers described in explicit detail how he had to use sticky traps, and I’ll spare you the gory details, but the story ended with a brick wall.

That being said, I’ve now formed an emotional connection with the mouse, whom I’ve named Hester. This morning he got locked in the bathroom with me and he touched my foot, further cementing our bond.
On a more pressing note, our fridge has stopped working. Is there some kind of cord I can pull or reset button I can press?

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